Day 68:

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Wow so I have been really bad at blogging lately… I have been really busy with my work while an amazing blessing, it leaves me with little time. I am in the process of trying to learn how to balance work and life; I hope to have it figured out soon. I am such a workaholic control freak that it’s hard to let go some times. I also always think that I have to be strong and keep going never really showing my feelings to the world. The only person that I every really show myself to is my husband and with him gone it leaves me very broken. I don’t need much, but the one thing that I do need is him to balance me. I wear such a heavy armor and it’s nice to take it off and melt in his arms. When I can’t I find myself angry, angry that he is gone again when he was only home for 9 months. Angry that we bought this house and I have been in it for three years and him only 9 months. Angry that out of eleven years of marriage he has been gone for 5 years. Then most of all angry at me because I have these fits of rage, when some wives never get to see their loves again. Angry at myself for showing weakness when I am supposed to be strong, so he can do is job, and bring his men home. Angry because sometimes I can’t find the right words to say.

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