Noah

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

It’s been a very long time since I made the time to blog.
I was consumed by work, which has now slowed down quite a bit. Always does the binging of school and the end. Does not stop me from having nuclear melt downs though.
Honey has come and gone. His R&R went by so fast; it all seemed to be a daze of people in and out of our home. It’s amazing to have so much family that wants to be a part of your life, but in the same breath it’s very hard when you have such a short amount of time to fit everyone in.
In this rush of people in and out, my mom had surgery. She had a very severe case of diverticulitis
And if left untreated it can kill you in her case. So going through the welcome home process of my husband without my mom’s help was a little hard. She is like the rock of our family, and seeing her down really made it hard for me to move forward. But my Sister and brother helped out and I could never thank them enough for their help.
The day before we left to go on our mini get away our male pitbull Noah Riley started doing this little limp. We thought he must have hurt it chasing the girls down the stairs the day before. We gave him a few days, but it was not getting better. We decided to take him to his doctor. We were prepared for hip dysplasia a broken foot, arthritis all of the above, except the tragic words bone cancer. I stood in the middle of this room while the walls started to close in on me clutching his leash and collor in my hands. Staring at this X-Ray. I could see the holes that this disease and put in my sweet boys leg. I started to go down, Honey caught me. What did all of this mean?? I tried so hard to hear what his doctor was telling us. Bone Cancer, too far to save him……My husband and I decided to do what was best for him after all the options were on the table. I still cry and have the same nightmare every night. The IFs go through your mind so fast your head spins.
To me Noah was a son, he was my best friend. Getting though the days without him are so very hard. I miss his head in the shower; I miss his big head on me while I am sleeping. I miss him always under my feet, I miss walking around the garden with him. Even though I know one day the pain will feel better, I can’t at this moment imagine that it ever will.

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