It’s so nice to have the girls here and just get lost in all the fun of being a kid. Sometimes I envy people that have children while their loves are away. Although I am sure that they might think it’s harder with them.
I would love to be able to hold a piece of him every night; I would love to do all the mom things. I would give up everything to have that. I know that one day we will have our family because God puts nothing in your heart that he does not give you. But sometimes it’s a little sad, when you have tried so very hard for so very long, and you would give anything to hold on to something that is part of him!
Any ways we are having a blast!
I have been pretty busy with Amber, I get Gabby tomorrow, so that I will have both of them till Friday. Its been great to have something fun to do. No work, just lots of FUN;)
Every other Thursday, I have dinner with my daddy! I love it, gives us a chance to talk and hang out. It helps the time go faster for me because I have something fun to look forward to.
There is a fire in my area that is a major concern to night. I have a ton of family and friends that are fight fighters so keep them and all the people in its path in your thoughts and prayers.
Wow so I have been really bad at blogging lately… I have been really busy with my work while an amazing blessing, it leaves me with little time. I am in the process of trying to learn how to balance work and life; I hope to have it figured out soon. I am such a workaholic control freak that it’s hard to let go some times. I also always think that I have to be strong and keep going never really showing my feelings to the world. The only person that I every really show myself to is my husband and with him gone it leaves me very broken. I don’t need much, but the one thing that I do need is him to balance me. I wear such a heavy armor and it’s nice to take it off and melt in his arms. When I can’t I find myself angry, angry that he is gone again when he was only home for 9 months. Angry that we bought this house and I have been in it for three years and him only 9 months. Angry that out of eleven years of marriage he has been gone for 5 years. Then most of all angry at me because I have these fits of rage, when some wives never get to see their loves again. Angry at myself for showing weakness when I am supposed to be strong, so he can do is job, and bring his men home. Angry because sometimes I can’t find the right words to say.
Lots of work to do early in the morning! Took Stella for a run today. The faster we go the better she likes it. She will love it when daddy gets home and takes her for sure! The other guys are way, way to lazy! Noah is like, what me run... Yeah right, I need a snack and the TV thanks!
I want my Marine Home! Don't think that I can or should watch Army wives when he is gone. I don't know how I have done this for the last 11 years. Deployment 5 way are you so hard? I have a million words rambiling in my head right now. However I can't seam to get them out. I just know that this is the hardest most painful thing that I have ever done. I love him so Much!
Had a pretty great day at work today. I shot two pregnant girls and they were both due on the same day.. How funny is that? I am in the process of watching quantum leap on net flex in my spare time. I remember it was my moms favorite show when I was little we use to all pile up on the couch very Friday night and watch it. Some of the episodes I can actually remember.
I had a great day today! I am so blessed to have such amazing friends and such an amazing honey!
Honey told me yesterday that I had some gifts coming and boy did I… I got two pairs of shoes and a very cute pot of gold. Then I was floored by one of my best friends. She sent me the most beautiful flowers ever! I love you guys! Thanks for making my day so special!
Honey sent us matching ones! I can't were mine till he gets home. The color is purple but is showing blue...
Time is flying. That is good and bad for me. Great that every day that passes leads me one day closer to my love. Bad that I can never seem to get everything done… I was able to get the guess room done finally yay! Now I am up to my ears in editing, always seems like every one turns in their sections at the same time so I get a months’ worth dumped on me in a day. But with the guest room finished I will have no distractions tomorrow. St. Patrick’s Day! Being mostly Irish I love me some St. Patrick’s day!
Work was amazing today! I shot Taylor in a sexy, creepy abandoned building. Cant wait to work on those images…. Lots of editing to over the next few days, but I love it.
I really miss honey, I love to come home and tell him all about my crazy ideas, or my day . When he is not here it sucks!! I love the way he listens to me then smiles when, I get really exited and start talking really fast, which almost always involves me standing on my toes. Then he takes my face in is hands and kisses, me telling me to breath. Then we both laugh…..I miss that so much!!! I just want to have that for five minutes, I would do anything for just five minutes!
My day off flew by holy moly….I did get a bunch done, so thats good. Work tomorrow yay! I miss my studio when I am away from it….I ordered some rocking new prints on metal…I can’t wait for them to come in its going to be like freaking Christmas! Talked to honey today for a few minutes. It had been a few days.. I can’t stand that, makes me in the worst mood ever when I can’t hear his sweet voice.
Went to the gym today and worked on the house.
This spring forward always gets me..Losing that hour makes me so sleepy.. I wonder why we do it; we are one of the only countries’ that does it.. I would like to have my hour back, I already can’t get everything done,that needs to be done.
Army wives tonight and coming home.. Oh that show makes me cry and it really makes my wish that it was my honey coming home.. Maybe I should not watch it…..
Not that much today work, the gym, went to my grandmas and hung out for a bit got to see my cusins.. I love those girls! I like to get them when they have time off of school and keep them a few days. We always have the most fun. They go on spring breck next week so I will keep them for a few days. I can't wait for that!
Oh I almost forgot..Stella ate my favorite tube of lipstick(http://www.babygirlboutique.com/besame-lipstick-cherry-red.html) while I was in the shower, she had it all over her...i would have taken a photo of her if I was not so mad at her. Its funny now though. Crazy little baby!
I had some girl time with Taylor today, lunch and a movie. Red ridding hood.. I thought it was pretty great!
I seam to be missing honey more and more every day… I really though that it would get better it usually does how ever with this deployment it does not seem to be the case…
Funny story about my pups…They are for the most part on a pretty strict schedule with five I have to have one for my own sanity..
This is their schedule every one up at 6:45 every one out…Play…I get ready for work then I come down and put every one in there space the older guys get to hang out the little ones, Maggie and Stella have to go in their room…I come home very one out, dinner, lots of hugs, kisses, play time…I try to always have them in bed by 10:00...My garage has been turned in to their bedroom/playhouse..
Who sleeps with mommy schedule.. So they all feel special..
Maggie Sunday
Roxy Monday
Stella Tuesday
Stella Wed
Noah Thursday
Izzy Friday
Noah Izzy and Rox Sat.
So the funny part is last night was Noah’s night he watched me put Stella up, then he took off up stairs got on the bed got under the covers and the look on his face was like..Yay I though it was never going to be my turn again… How do they know its their turn, how do they know how to tell time…It amazes me. I love them crazy pups of mine..
Wow day 55...I wish you were day 365...I miss honey so very badly. I disparately need him lying beside me at night! I went the last three nights without sleep.. I think for all three nights I had a total of 4 hours of sleep. The only good thing that comes from no sleep for me. Is that my mind goes in to supper artist mode I call it…I literally start to dream up these elaborate visions. I use to use that technique when I was in school and had an art project due. My mind is very strange.. Any ways honey is the only person that can get me to sleep when my mind cranks up like that. He lays with me and rubs my little bear paw…(Honeys words) until I fall a sleep. I miss him so much, I need him to calm my mind, I need him so I can feel whole!
Pretty busy day today. I was able to get lots of cool new things done for the studio today. Then the gym… When I got home I had a package on my front porch. A gift from honey.. My gosh he spoils me so much that he has pretty much rendered me useless to anyone else in my life… Because I think that everyone should treat me like a rock star.. I swear to you that he makes me feel like my name should be in neon lights! I hope that I make him feel the same way because I think of him every second of the day and to me his name should be in neon lights.
Nice day today worked out.. Yay! I am up to 40 minutes on the treadmill, I am so exited about that. Working my way up to an hour! I got my self an early Bday gift to today. A nook color, its so cute! I can’t wait to read some tonight. Then when I got home I had a package from Victoria secret.. I opened it up and it was two supper cute bras… That honey of mine spoils me so much!! I love him and I miss him!!
Got most of the kitchen done today. Much more user friendly. I think that when I moved down two years ago. That I just threw thing in the cabinets and went on with it. Well I could not stand it any more. So I piled every thing on top of the counters and stood there for awhile planning out my plan of attack.
3 hours later most of every thing has a shiny new place.
I will be getting this shiny new baby in the next few weeks… I have been drooling over him for a while now, and finely he will be mine.
Not much today… Worked like a crazy person and that’s about it…
Going to relax with he pups then go to bed… Going to the gym tomorrow my arm feels good enough to get back in to it. Yay! I have decided that tomorrow I am going to clean out my kitchen cabinets and do some rearranging… Another Sunday project if I keep this up my whole house will be redone..
While on my way to work to day I noticed the farmers busy in the fields getting ready to plant.
There has always been something very beautiful about that to me.
Being from this part of North Carolina I grew up surrounded by farms, my Grandfather actually crippled himself working his land.. So it really saddens me to see all of this amazing open farm land being split up and sold off to the highest bidder. It breaks my heart to think of the little old man famer that worked his whole life to provide for his family and keep his land. That now after being gone from this world his land is now a Wal-Mart or a sub division. Seems to be happing quite a bit around here now. Every time a blink a new housing area goes up…
So I am loving my new tat. I can’t believe how much it looks like my pups.. So excited that I found them and even more exited to finish!
Awesome day today! I was able to have a real conversation with honey on skype.. For the first time since he has been gone. The signal was amazing for like 15 minutes in a row.. Lucky day! Then work was great we had two really cute girls. Then worked out. Came home and fed the pups, then myself…Now its puppy play time. Idol tonight...Yay!
